Dog Proof Your Life

As most of you know, I have done some sweet damage in my days (you can read more about it HERE) and my parents have had no trust in me ever since those events and would put  me in the cage whenever they had to leave me alone in the house.

But I told you they’re soft and they’ll keep trying to change that, despite their bad memories of what I can do – and I was right.

As I am writing this, there’s a guy in our kitchen, tiling over the electric sockets that are within my reach and putting a massive board over any pipes and cables I might reach; or more like I HAVE REACHED before (sshhh!)

This is me observing the whole proces with all the scepticism and bitterness a young lab can muster and looking for any weak spots that I could use to break through those precautions in the near future.

dog watching

I’ll have to really think outside the box on this one as they have really thought of it all – no cable or pipe access whatsoever, no electricity in my reach and I heard them say that from now on all the bottom drawers and cabinets will be empty. Plus there’s a big fat lock on the detergent cabinet and tiles on the wall everywhere. This will be a tough one to crack, but I’ll keep thinking.

Any ideas… anyone?


Mud Bathing

This weekend we went to my favourite park for a run.

I’ve got a special skill that my parents are not too fond of – even if it hasn’t been raining for many days and the whole grass area in that massive park seems to be dry, I always manage to find a little bit of mud to get into and then stick my tongue out to show them I’m my own boss, in case they still doubt that somehow.

Why not anyway? Mud is good! There are at least four big reasons to do it:

1) It’s good for your skin. All spa retreats have mud masks or mud baths in their offers and they charge good money for it too! I get it for free and I will remain forever young if I treat myself to it, whenever I get the chance.

2) Humans will do anything to avoid a dirty dog runing straight at them, which gives me special powers. I feel like a young Thor when I charge around the park and everybody step away as I approach. That’s right – show some respect, humans!

3) It’s a good place for hanging out with the bitches – mud is so smooth and sexy!

4) Annoying the parents – that’s just a cherry on the cake.

After a mud bath I’m usually forced to get into the nearby river and then brutally dragged to a pub where my parents have a pint and wait for me to get dry. It needs to be said, that, while they drink their favourite beers, I only get a bowl of tasteless water, but I pay them back by always managing to hide a little bit of mud left on me and making sure it gets properly smeared on the sofa when we get back home!

They say that Karma is a bitch.

I’d like to meet her:)



Stood Up !

A B C !

Test, Test!..

Woof, woof!?

Not sure what is a blogging dog supposed to say when testing whether his website is working, but I think we’re back online, aren’t we?

Last week mum made a real mess trying to transfer hosting of this website and it took few days and a really nice and helpful man called Craig to bring this website back online on a new hosting platform.

Anyway, in the meantime you missed one of my tiny nervous breakdowns. Not sure if you recall, but my parents have posted an ad offering my stud services when I turned 18 months (which was last month)- And a few days ago a man called asking about me and saying that he had a big labrador bitch that wanted to meet me and that she was coming out of season and we needed to hurry. I didn’t understand what was all that season gibberish about; all I heard was a big labrador bitch and hurry so we got ourselves a date for the following morning.

Everything was good and ready – I put a scented candle on, cleaned my privates and waited in my usual gorgeous position filled with anticipation and excitement, but then that man called again and cancelled.. His bitch was not in season anymore:(

I was mortified. Is this all I’m good for? A piece of hot meat used only for reproduction? How could they have even assumed that I would put out on the first date?

OK, I probably would, but they should NOT have assumed it so easily!

We didn’d have to go all the way, we could have just had a bowl of Pedigree and watch some Dog TV. Or just get to know each other a bit better.

Jeez! Humans are so clinical.

I feel cheap and used. In fact, even worse than used, because I WASN’T ACTUALLY used so both my body and my soul feel lonely and frustrated now.




The Burbs

I’ve watched the movie called The Burbs with my parents last night and I’ll tell you something – I’ll never look at the neighbours the same way again!

I’m looking at a nice smiling 90 year old man from across the street taking the trash out, barely walking on his shaky legs and all I think about is that he’s probably carrying out dead puppies in that trash bag of his! Not to mention the thoughts that come to my mind, when I see the smoke coming out of their chimney!

I don’t think I’ll sleep tonight.

Btw keep your fingers crossed – mum is moving the Blogrador website to another hosting server this evening, so who knows what will come out of it – I am really sceptical. Hosting websites is a complicated business. She can’t even put her foot in her mouth and I’m supposed to trust her with my life’s work!

I just thought of something awful – What if she’s in cahoots with the murdering old man from across the steeet?!!! What if she’s not just trying to move my website, but also move my organs ?! And they’re going to sell them on the black market…or even eat them! And then burn my remains to fuel the central heating. She has been complaining about the house being cold lately!!!:(

I don’t think I like watching TV anymore:(



Boys Will Be Boys

I’m back from the break! Missed me?

OK so, in case you didn’t know – last week my mum was away and dad and I had the house to ourselves. It was great! We would hang out in the garden playing and running and he took me for many long walkies.

Then we would come back and hang out in the living room playing xbox and drinking beer. Well, technically he was actually DOING all those things; I was just watching him.

But watching someone drink is even more fun than drinking yourself.

How do I know?

Firstly – When dad went to the toilet I had a few good slurps from his pint glass and it’s really not that big of a deal as I thought it would be judging from the happy expression on dad’s face every time he opened a bottle.

Secondly – I like sitting next to dad and watching him getting more and more drunk and cursing at the xbox console as he looses – and from my observations, the more he drinks, the worse he plays, which means more cursing and more fun for me!

But I don’t like to see him suffer too long so when he got particularly bad, I gave him one of my master tilts and it seemed to have cheered him up.

Holidays are just awesome, aren’t they?

I spent most of that time just lying on the sofa like this:

You gotta admire the skills it took for me to take this selfie too!

But everything good has to end and so did my holiday – mum came back and she didn’t want to join the fun, so we had to clear out with the console and make room for labtop, which means that The Blogrador is back!