Dad was in a grumpy mood this afternoon. He called me a moron and told me to move it when I was waiting for him in the doorway waving my tail 🙁 I think he might still be upset about what happened earlier:
In the morning he woke up in a great mood and started singing. He sang in the shower, then during breakfast and eventually he sat down on the sofa and started singing directly to me. I get really giddy when people sing to me, I can’t help it! Plus he was singing “You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling” and it was so bad I just wanted it to stop.
So I jumped on the sofa next to him and I wacked him in the face with my paw, partially to invite him to play and partially to shut him up.
It was meant as a friendly tap, but landed on his face funnily as a proper slap that knocked his glasses off and left him red-faced and and holding his cheek.
That’ll teach him not to sing bad songs in a sophisticated company!
I’ve never seen mum laugh so much and for so long.
Don’t you just love walkies? I do. I can’t get enough of them. Labradors are meant to get a lot of exercise….at least an hour a day.
Sometimes when the weather is good, mum and dad take me to a special place – a huge park where dogs run freely and play.
There’s so many different dogs out there. Some of them will play with you, others will ignore you acting like they’re better than you.
And some of them have no spine either, I tell you!
They’ll be fetching like there’s no tomorrow. No free will or original thought in their wooly heads. Poor soulless puppets. Their dads will throw and they’ll fetch and so on and on and on.. Yawn!
You wanna know what I do out there? I do whatever the hell I want that’s what!
My dad can throw anything he likes and I’ll still do my stuff. And when he calls me to get the ball or tries to recall me altogether, I make a special effort to look him in the eye from a distance so he knows I’ve acknowledged. And then I go the opposite way. Oh yeah, I’m a wild one!
I think dad would prefer if I was one of them obedient balls of fluff, but I’ve got something they don’t – it’s called personality! You should have adopted a purse dog, dad mwahahaha!
Not to mention that in your beloved game of football noone fetches the ball, they kick it further like I am trying to do. You don’t see dogs on football ground running around and trying to bring the ball back to the kicker, do you?
Anyways, you know the drill – I only come to you when there’s is something to be gained there for me. Trick or treat!
I’ve been watching a lot of TV lately and ,I tell you, some of those human expressions about dogs make no sense to me at all:/ I have few follow-up questions:
1) Why do people call someone a son of a bitch when they clearly want to insult them? I am a son of a bitch and it doesn’t offend me one bit!. Am I missing something here?
2) And I’m wondering about doggy style… I dont think I have it.. should I be working on my doggy style? Or does it simply mean I should just be myself (aka a dog) going about my business, sleeping, chewing etc and that will be the doggy style?
3) Or why do the Beatles sing “It’s been a hard day’s night and I’ve been working like a dog“? I am a dog. And I don’t work! What gives? What do they mean by that? They must be talking rubbish! Or do other dogs have jobs I don’t know about? Does it mean other dogs have money to buy treats and take their bitches to expensive restaurants? I must look into it.
4) Or how about this – This is a real bad one! it’s a dog’s life. I’ve noticed people use it to describe something negative so I’ve googled it. It says – a dog’s life means a miserable unhappy existence!
What is this?! Is this really how humans perceive dogs?
It’s truly depressing. That’s why we need more dogs with positive attitude like myself to change those medieval views! It really makes me wanna weep for humanity. I’m going to lie down and chew my favourite blanket until I fall into oblivion.
P.S Any comments welcome, especially if they are going to cheer me up!
People are often surprised when my parents tell them my name is Shaun.
I guess they want to hear that it is Fluffball or Pawster or Mr Cuddly and all that nonsense. Well it isn’t OK? And I do enjoy disappointing people’s cliche expectations.
I was actually named after Shaun Ryder, the singer in my mum’s favourite band Happy Mondays. Not a perfect role model for a young and easily corrupted puppy like myself, I can tell you!
I’ve done some reading and it turns out that Shaun Ryder did in his youth all those things that I am not allowed:
1) He did lots of drugs while dogs are not even allowed a painkiller as it makes them violently sick!
2) He stole expensive stuff like instruments and clothes, while I’m not even allowed a piece of dad’s chicken from his plate.
.3) He shouted and swore every other word while I get told off for one single bark in the postman’s direction
4) He killed pigeons for fun – I found a dead pigeon once and brought it to my mum and dad – you can not imagine the screaming and disgust I had to listen to – not to mention that I really had to run for it and at the end I didn’t get to keep it.
I wonder if Shaun Ryder ever had to put up with that kind of nonsense…I bet noone called HIM a bad dog either!
I want to join a band someday too. Bitches dig musicians! I am already thinking of some catchy names. Here are my choices: The LabraDOORS…….The Rolling Shauns……Pet Shaun Boys …Dog Eat Dog
Oh wait… Looks like Dog Eat Dog is already taken… How weird! I thought I was being so original with my ideas:/
Yes!!! I just overheard my parents talking.
They are going to pimp me out !!!
They are going to post a sex ad at the end of March, when I’m 18 months old, and they are going to find me a nice fluffy bitch to love!
I need to try to get some sexy pics taken, like lying on the bed with a tempting pose or licking my lips in a sensual way. Here’s my first attempt. What do you think – Are bitches gonna line up or what?
Anyway – My parents can advertise me separately, but I will advertise here as well in the hope of maybe even meeting my soul mate along the way. So here goes the first draft:
A sexy and fit young stud labrador (currently living in West Yorkshire in England ) will meet lovely ladies who want to get pregnant in the fastest and yet most enjoyable way and have lots of beautiful light yellow puppies with great genes. Who knows, one of them might even become the president of United States one day (since it doesn’t take much these days) KC registered with great scores and eyesight and my parents have all the relevant documents. So come on girls, wait no more – let me be your baby daddy !
How does that sound? Not too subtle? Any comments welcome
OMG I’m so happy!
Now I understand why they took me to the vets so many times. All the test proven to be great apparently – elbow score is 0 and hip score total is 7 and apparently it’s very good.
Whatever! Who cares about my hips and elbows – it’s the little Shaun that bitches are gonna appreciate the most! 🙂